Intention – Return

So I’m back.


I have yet to study a letter today, and in fact, I still have to re-study Tet. Skimming Yud this morning made me realize that I really didn’t “get” Tet. I was preoccupied for one thing. It was my last day here. I was full of many different feelings that I couldn’t quite temper. My heart was chaotic. My mind was disengaged.

This is what happens to me, to many people, when there are unmet expectations. Well, usually, it ends up in disappointment. That’s what disappointments are, but I wasn’t quite feeling disappointment. I was too confused for that.

I wondered what my expectations were. Did I lose sight of my purpose? What were my intentions for going out there and how did it differ from my expectations?

I suppose, since my intention was to gather a ton of preliminary work to bring back with me in order to make paintings for the next year, I expected to leave there with piles and piles of papers. Papers, photos, video footage, notes, sketches, etc. So much, I could hardly carry it all back into my car!

Kim Abeles, 1995 Self Portrait with Files
Kim Abeles, 1995
Self Portrait with Files

That was the part where I felt disappointment. There was some of that, but I could make one small pile only. That made me sad. It was a sad pile. Awwww. Poor little sad pile.

The thing is though, however un-tangible, I do have TONS of preliminary reference to work with! I mean, how many times can you photograph a boulder? I got it. It’s embedded into my skull! It’s etched in there. I studied the rocks more than I studied these Hebrew letters.


My mind is CLEAR. I know what I want to do. I know how I want my film to go. I know how my installation is going to look, and I know what I want to paint. I don’t know if anyone is going to like it, but I sure want to mess with it.

One thing I think, and maybe I shouldn’t put this on my blog – it’s real personal – but I think my boyfriend is going to absolutely hate these paintings. He hasn’t been a big fan of my work in recent years. That’s been difficult for me. Who doesn’t like to be told they’re an artistic genius? However, I don’t want to be lied to either. I’m grateful that he is honest. He has been in my fan club for years in the past, and he loves certain types of work that I do. He’s just not an abstract art fan – but who is really? Ha!

I am. I seem to love it more and more – and more! And the truth is, I loved it since I was very little. It was the first kind of art that caught my eye. The first type of work that made me think, I want to make art. I want to do that! How can I do that?…

It was a Paul Jenkins:



More later…

Here in Joshua Tree and All is Well

Well, I made it here. The traffic was pretty terrible, but I’ve seen worse. It just took a while to settle in and I don’t think that’s going to fully  happen until morning. One thing about the high desert, especially combined with MS, is how tired it makes you. I passed out for a good hour after I put the groceries away. The drive made me rather tired too.

As I was falling asleep, I wished I had already unpacked my cameras, since there was a perfect scene just outside the window. I laid on the little bed that sits in what might be the dining area of the main house, the room with undoubtedly the best, and most incredible view of the National Park. Luckily, it’s not going anywhere, and neither am I. I just know now what my first photo and set of sketches are going to be in the morning.


Today was WINDY! It’s still windy. I mean really, really  windy. I read about it ahead of time, but I didn’t think it would be this  bad. It’s creaking everything in the house, like it’s haunted with a zoo of maniacal poltergeists! I’m a little scared, but I don’t believe in ghosts, so I’m not that  scared. I’m more scared of things like: my dog dying out here from a snake bite or a bobcat. Or maybe that even happening to me.  That scares me, and trust me, I get completely panicked about such things to the point where I can hardly move sometimes. It’s shameful!  Yet, I am admitting it to you, my friends and “fans” that care enough to actually read this stuff. Don’t you have anything better to do? Thank you, by the way.

Anyway, how much have I revealed about this property where I am staying? Because it is certainly incredible. Probably the most incredible place to stay – if you are ever in Joshua Tree. Seriously. Now I am about to give Randy Polumbo  a ton of new customers for his rental house…

This is a vacation rental home that sits on more than 10 acres of land that stretches around the National Park border at its West entrance. See for yourself, but the description, nor the pictures, do the place any justice at all whatsoever. It’s all completely understated for some (maybe good) reason that I don’t know about, so I hope I’m not doing them any disservice by disseminating their info here, but this place is just such a haven, I can’t keep my big mouth shut.

Anyway, I’m getting pretty tired again, so I will sign off for now. I’ll be hard at work tomorrow though, and will see you back here around the same time.

Shabbot Shalom!

Leaving in One Hour

Hey everyone!

I am getting ready to jump into the shower and then take off to Joshua Tree! I can’t believe it’s here!

These past few days have been difficult: packing, grieving the death of my aunt, making sure I do not forget anything, getting all my supplies that I need together, etc., etc.

There’s a whole camera story I will have to tell you once I get there. I don’t have time right now, but it’s all F’ed up! I don’t know, maybe it will turn out to be a good thing. We’ll see. I just don’t know yet, but I’m not bringing my Sony TRV 900 after all! I am so upset. I have something else. I’ll get into to later.

I just wanted to let you know that the bracelets arrived this morning. They look great – well, except for the fact that I expected them to be a much  darker olive green. 🙁  But there is really nothing I can do about this one.

I will take a picture of them when I get settled.

So I’m signing off from Los Angeles for now and I will meet you on the other side. I am excited! See you there!